Someone told me yesterday at work that they found I had a genuine heart, and that they loved the way that I was positive and upbeat and found the best way to look at hard circumstances, and genuinely found me to be a lover of Christ.
My heart was down in the bottom of my shoes while this person sang my praises. And I have no doubt that they meant to build me up and to encourage me, I'm positive that was their desire.
In actuality, it did the opposite. I kept thinking "If you only knew, if you only could see all the crap inside me, all the doubts and fears, but you can't. If you only knew what my thought life was like, or how many times I sin during the day, you'd see that I'm more of a hypocrite than anything else."
So it's the next day and I'm off to work again riddled with insecurities and doubt with my self esteem somewhere down around my ankles. I really wish I knew why that hit me the way it did.
Maybe because I really do want to be what she sees, and in my heart, I know I'm not.
*Sigh*
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Off To Work Riddled
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Psalm 49
A Psalm of Repentance
About Me
- everlastingscribe
- I tell stories all day long. Some with my pen, some with my keyboard and if you can find me, buy me a coffee and I'll tell you one too!
2 comments:
Ahh yes, I feel like that alot too
Man, wish I didn't. Though someone told me that being all 'I am so awful' is the same as saying 'I am so great' because the focus is on 'I'
Swell. So not only am I down in the dumps, my ego is running amok.
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